The Granny Cruncher

[Palustris]

Chapter 1.
The First to go!

   Granny Smith was the first to go. The old lady was taking six fine fat geese to the market in the Town Square. She was driving them along the dusty road with a stick. She was grumbling to herself as usual, when she just disappeared. There was no puff of smoke or anything like that, just a faint crunching noise, then no Granny Smith.
   The geese did not notice that she was no longer driving them for a few minutes and went on walking towards the Town. When they did notice that she was no longer there, they turned and went home again, passing her stick which was lying unheeded on the grass by the roadside. Granny Smith lived by herself in a little cottage some way out of town. She had no close neighbours or family so it was some time before anyone noticed that she was no longer there.
   It was very different when Granny Knott went. She was sat in her favourite armchair with her grandchildren round her. She was telling them a story. Her smallest granddaughter was sat on her knee one moment and the next she was sat in the armchair. It was such a shock that for a moment she did not even begin to cry.
   As the eldest said, “There was a faint 'Crunch' and Granny just disappeared. She did not even finish the story.”
   The house was searched, the garden was searched. They even looked down the cushions of the armchair and apart from a few stray pennies and a couple of hairpins and a very unpleasant sticky sweet, nothing unusual was found anywhere.
   Widow Flatt was cleaning her front windows. She did this every Thursday whether the windows needed it or not. She went leaving her bucket and window leather and the windows half washed. Her daughter, who was talking to her at the time said tearfully. “There was a sort of crunching noise, then she was gone.”
   Old Mother Smith was often to be seen driving a horse and cart around the Town delivering cans of milk to the towns folk, The horse was so used to just gently plodding along the same route that he did not even notice that no one was holding the reins. The Town folk were very upset when their daily milk was not delivered.
   The largest disappearance came one evening at Mrs. Jackson's Milliner's Shop. No less than eight grandmothers went. A hysterical Miss Jackson, who was not a grandmother, rushed out into the street.
   “I definitely heard a whole lot of crunching and they all disappeared. We were making bonnets for the Hat Festival next week.”
   Abronia was famous for its hat makers and every year there was a huge parade where all the hat makers in the country put their best efforts on display.
   In Miss Jackson's front room, all that could be seen was a pile of needles and thread and unfinished hats.
   More important it also left eight very puzzled and angry grandfathers. They had come home from the Old Men's Darts Match, expecting to find some supper.
   Eight extremely angry grandfathers can make a large amount of fuss, especially when there was no supper to be had. When their wives did not re-appear next morning, they met at Granddad Green's house. It was a strange looking gang of old men. Two were still wearing the clothes from the previous night. The others had managed to find some clothes, but without their wives to tell them where to find clean shirts and socks, they looked a very untidy set of people. Worse still, not one of them had managed to make themselves breakfast. At least Granddad Green knew where the tea was kept so they all could have a hot drink. They did leave the cups in the sink for someone else to wash up though. The tea had to be black as no milk had been delivered.

[Palustris]

Chapter 2.

Elsewhere.

            Princess Kayla liked everything to be just so. Her clothes had to be put out in the same way every day. The table had to be laid correctly and the table cloth clean and white. She did not make a fuss and stamp her feet or have a tantrum if things were not the way that they should be, she just sighed and put them right for herself. The only odd thing about her was that she was never seen in public without her face being covered with a veil.

            She was a very sensible girl and so her parents had no worries about leaving her in charge of the country while they went on an extended tour of the neighbouring countries.

            So far after a fortnight in charge, nothing at all of interest had happened. Princess Kayla was not upset by this, she preferred things to be quiet. This morning though was different. It started as normal. She rose and dressed and went down for breakfast. The table was laid properly and she sat down to wait for the tea and toast to be brought in. They arrived, but Kayla could not help but notice that the maid was red eyed and rather untidy looking. There was obviously something wrong as she put the tea pot down with the handle pointing to the left instead of to the right.

            “Tut!” said the Princess and turned the teapot the correct way round.

            “Oh, I am sorry, your Highness. I am all of a quiver this morning.” apologised the maid.

            “This is not like you, “said the Princess. “What has happened?”

            “Oh, ma'am, it's my Granny. She has disappeared. “

            Kayla poured herself some tea. “When?” she asked.

            The maid took a deep breath. “It was yesterday afternoon. You know she works for Miss Jackson, the milliner?”

            Kayla nodded. “Yes, I saw her there yesterday morning. I was being measured for my hat for the Festival.”

            “Well, as you know, Miss Jackson only employs older women. She says they work better and don't go rushing off to get married or start their own shops as soon as she has trained them.”

            “They also make the best hats, “smiled Kayla. “That is why I go there for mine.”

            “Well yesterday afternoon,” went on the maid. “Miss Jackson went to deal with a customer and when she went back, all the Grannies had disappeared.” The maid sniffed tearfully. “She said that all she heard was a series of 'crunches' and then the room was empty and silent.”

            “Very strange.” said Kayla.

            The door to the Breakfast room opened and a Footman came in. “Excuse me, you Highness. I am sorry to disturb your breakfast, but there is a group of old men at the Palace Gate who are asking to see you. They say it is important and urgent.”

            “You had better show them to the throne room then, “said Kayla. “I will be down in a short time when I have finished my breakfast.

            The Footman bowed.

            Fifteen minutes later Kayla entered the throne room. She was met by a very worried looking group of old men. They looked rather untidy too, in crumpled shirts. One man was not wearing socks.

            They all tried to speak at once.

            Kayla took charge. She pointed to the cleanest looking man. “Now, sir, I suggest that you tell me what the problem is.”

            The man took a deep breath and began. “It is our wives, your Highness. They have disappeared. They were working at Miss Jackson's. She says she heard a crunching noise and they were gone. She says it was a dragon that ate them.”

            Kayla thought for a moment then shook her head. “I doubt that. For a start Dragons usually prefer to eat younger persons. I think they might find Grannies a little on the tough side. Secondly I think Dragons prefer their food well cooked and no one has said anything about any fire, now have they?”

            The old men shook their heads.

            “And finally, I have never heard of any dragons around here, have you?”

            The old men shook their heads.

            “Now I will see what I can find out for you. “ She looked at the group in front of her. “Have any of you had breakfast yet? “

            Most of them shook their heads.

            “I thought not, “said Kayla. She turned to the Footman.”Take these gentlemen down to the kitchens and give them some breakfast. Then organise some of the servants to go home with them and find them some clean clothes. Oh and send the Captain of the guard in to see me.”

            The Captain of the Guard arrived. Kayla explained the problem to him.

            “Please investigate and report back as soon as possible,” she ordered.

[Palustris]

Chapter 3.

A puzzle.

            The Captain returned in mid afternoon. “It is very strange, your Highness," he said. "It seems that old ladies have been disappearing throughout the kingdom, over the last couple of days. As far as I can find out, there are six Mrs. Smiths, three Mrs. Knotts and two Mrs. Flatts as well as the eight from the Hat makers shop. In each case there was a crunching noise reported. No one saw any signs of burning though, so a Dragon is not suspected.”

            “Perhaps someone is trying to spoil the Hat Festival, “said Kayla. “Were they all hat makers?”

            “No ma'am. Not as far as I can see. One of the Mrs. Smiths sold geese, another delivered milk.” The Captain scratched his head. “I cannot see any connection between any of them.”

            “Did anyone see what happened?”

            “Not really, your Highness. There was an odd happening at one of the grandmother' s places. I brought the people with me.”

            The Captain went to the Throne Room door and showed a man and a woman in to the room The woman was carrying a small child.

            “Mr. and Mrs. Flatt and Dylan, “ said the Captain.

            The man bowed awkwardly and the woman attempted a curtsey which was a bit difficult as she was holding the child. The child carried on sucking a lollipop.

            Kayla smiled. “Tell me happened.”

            The woman answered nervously. “My mother in law was nursing little Dylan here. He has been sick you see and he would not stop crying. There was a crunching noise and they both disappeared. Then a minute later, there was another crunch and Dylan was back again with a lollipop.”

            Dylan took the lollipop from his mouth and said. “The man with the tail said, 'Oops, sorry.'.”

            “He keeps saying that,” said his Mother.

            Dylan sucked on the lollipop, then he took it out again. “Gave me a lollipop.”

            His father said, “We have tried to get him to tell us more, but that is all he says. He is only three you know.”

            “Well, it helps, thank you very much,” said Kayla. “We will do everything we can to get your mother back.”

            The Captain of the Guard showed the family group out of the room.

            “Not a lot of use really, “ he said when he returned. “But at least whoever is doing this is only after grandmothers.” 

            Kayla thought for a moment. “Well, she said finally, “If there is anyone who can solve this mystery it is me.”

            “Your Highness?” The Captain was puzzled.

            “I shall disguise myself as a hat making granny and see if I am 'crunched'.”

            “But,”

            “No, Captain, my parents left me in charge and it is my duty to find out what has happened. Besides looking like I do it should not be too much trouble to look like a hat making granny, now will it.?”

                        The Captain looked doubtful. "I am sorry your highness, but I don't see how you can make yourself look like a grandmother."

Princess Kayla lifted up her veil and revealed her face.

The Captain gasped.

            “This awful spell that the Witch put on me may come in useful after all,” said the Princess.

            “That was before I became Captain of the Guard,” said the soldier. “I wondered.....”

            “My parents forgot to invite the Witch to my christening, so she cast a spell on me. She arrived when everyone was saying how much I looked like my Grandmother so she said that I would REALLY look like her. And I do, but as my Grandmother got older and is now seventy years old so my face aged with hers. I look seventy too, even though I am only eighteen.”

            “That was cruel,” said the Captain of the Guard.

            Kayla nodded.

            “Now, off you go and see if you can find out any more. “

            The Captain saluted and left the room.

            Kayla sent for her maid. She explained her plan and soon was dressed in the sort of clothes that the Maid's grandmother was wearing when she was crunched.

            Half an hour later, the Princess was sat in Miss Jackson's workshop quietly sewing a hat. As she said to the worried hat shop owner, “At least this way, if I don't disappear I will have a hat to wear for the Festival.”

            Nothing happened and both Miss Jackson and the Princess began to wonder if anything would. Then the shop bell rang. Miss Jackson looked at the Princess.

            “Oh, go on. You cannot ignore a customer, now can you?” Princess Kayla smiled. “I will be all right.”

            Miss Jackson left the workroom. As she closed the door behind her, she heard a faint 'crunch'. She turned and ran back into the workroom. The Princess had gone. Miss Jackson fainted.

 

[Palustris]

Chapter 4.

A Solution.

 

            Princess Kayla found herself in a small room. In front of her was a young man holding a clipboard. He looked very worried. He did not speak, instead he sighed and wrote something on the piece of paper on the clipboard. Kayla turned slowly round to look at the room. There was no furniture in the room except for a large mirror. To her astonishment the mirror did not show the reflection of the room, or herself or the young man. Instead it showed the room at Miss Jackson's shop. Princess Kayla could see poor Miss Jackson slowly climbing to her feet.

            The young man said “Excuse me and touched one corner of the Mirror. The workroom faded and was replaced by the reflection of Princess Kayla. She could not help noticing that the Mirror was rather dirty and streaked. She sniffed at this sign of neglect.

            “Er, Mistress.....?” enquired the young man, pencil poised to write on his paper.

            “Princess Kayla!” snapped Princess Kayla. “And who may I ask are you?”

            “Oh dear,” replied the young man. “You are a Granny aren't you?”

            “Not exactly!” said Kayla. “And I asked you a question, young man.”

            “Ohm er, sorry. Forgot my manners. I am Prince Farimond of Slobonia. Er, what do you mean by 'Not exactly'? You are dressed like a grandmother and you look like one.”

            Kayla remembered that she had removed the veil in the Hat Shop to make the disguise more accurate. She blushed and covered her face.

            Kayla ignored that question for a moment. “What have you done with all the grandmothers? They had better not have come to any harm.”

            “No, no. They are all perfectly fit and well, “protested Prince Farimond. “They are all in the Great Hall playing Bingo. Listen you can hear them arguing.”

            Kayla could indeed hear the sounds of old ladies enjoying a good disagreement.

            “If you would just answer my question, you could go and join them,” said Prince Farimond.

            “I have no intention of joining them until I find out what is going on here, “said Kayla.

            “Then you really aren’t a grandmother at all,” sighed the Prince. “Oh dear, this is not supposed to happen. I am very sorry."

            “No,” said Kayla. “I am not even an old woman. I just dressed like this to find out what is going on. Now are you going to tell me what this is all about or what?” She stood tapping her foot on the rather dusty stone floor.

            Prince Farimond stared at the tapping foot and swallowed nervously. “It's like this you see. I am under spell and I am trying to find a way to break it.”

            “A spell?”

            Prince Farimond sighed. “Promise you won't laugh,” he said.

            Princess Kayla nodded.

            Prince Farimond turned round. From the front he looked to be a perfectly normal, if rather worried, looking young man. However, when he turned it became very obvious that Prince Farimond was far from normal. He had a long bushy tail. Clumsily he dropped his pencil. As soon as it touched the floor, the tail whipped round, picked it up and handed it back to him.

            “It does that all the time,” he said, blushing bright red.

            It is a good thing that Princess Kayla had been brought up to keep a straight face or she may well have laughed.

            “Oh dear,” she said. “That is most unfortunate. How did that happen?”

            “Well, “replied the Prince. “I was not born like this I am told. My parents did all the right things for the Christening. They invited the Witch so that she would not just turn up and be nasty. But she was in a bad mood for some reason and when she saw me she said. 'He looks just like a little monkey. I think I shall give him a gift.'. So she did..... this!”

            His tail reached up over his shoulder and brushed away the tear which had fallen from Farimond's eye.

            “Oh,” cried Kayla. “She is a horrible person. “My parents forgot to ask her at all, but she turned up anyway. She made me look like my grandmother which is why I have the face of a seventy year old when I am only eighteen.”

            Prince Farimond nodded. “She does some horrible things. But there is always a way out of her spells. She told my parents that I would lose my tail if I could find various things by the time I was 21.”

            “And?” Kayla asked.

            “That is today,” added the Prince.  “In about an hour to be exact. The closer to the time I was born it gets, the more like a monkey I am getting.”

            Kayla realised that even in the few minutes they had been talking the Prince,s face had sprouted hairs and his back had bent over a little.

            “Happy birthday,” said Kayla.

            “Thank-you, “replied Farimond. “I hope it will be.  But how are you supposed to break the spell on you?”

            “Oh, she said that I would look like myself when I had seen my reflection from the other side of the mirror. I have spent ages looking at the back of mirrors to see if I could see myself, but all I ever see is a wooden panel. I bet that is all there is on the other side of your mirror.”

            “Not really,” said the Prince. “The other side of that Mirror is wherever I tell it to look. That is how I find all those grandmothers. Then when I find something I can bring it here.”

            “Useful for kidnapping!” Princess Kayla said.

            The Prince blushed.

            Then Kayla suddenly laughed. “In a way, I AM looking at my reflection from the other side of a mirror.”

            She lifted her veil and turned to look at herself in the glass. She did not look any different. The face staring back at her looked exactly like the portrait of her grandmother. Then the image wavered, as if someone had poured water over the glass.

            Princess Kayla put her hands over her face. It did not feel any different. Then she took them away slowly and looked again. She did not recognise the face which looked back at her. She examined it critically.

            “I was hoping that when, if, I did get my own face I would be beautiful,” she said. “But I suppose this will have to do. At least I have not got any wrinkles any more.” She turned to Prince Farimond.

            He looked at her in astonishment. “But you are beautiful, “he stammered. “At least I think so.”

            They both stood silent for a moment.

            Princess Kayla was the first to speak. She became all business like “Now, if MY spell can be broken then I am positive we can break yours. What were you supposed to find?”

            “There are four things which I must have, a Granny Smith, a Granny Knott, a Granny Flatt and last of all a Granny's bonnet.”

            Princess Kayla frowned.

            Farimond went on. “I have a whole room of Grannies. Dozens of Smiths, Flatts, Knotts and all of them in bonnets, but it is not working.” He sounded very close to tears.

            Princess Kayla thought for a moment then she burst out laughing. “Oh you silly boy. None of those are grandmothers.”

            Prince Farimond looked puzzled.

            “Look, can you use the Mirror to find anything?”

            He nodded. “Yes. The Mirror is our family secret. One of my ancestors took it from the Witch. Not this one of course, but the one who was around a couple of hundred years ago. No one knew how to use it so it was put up here in the Attic and forgotten about. I found it one day and worked out how to use it.”

            “The Witch must never get it back, “warned Kayla. “Think of the nasty things she could do with it.”

            “I don't think anyone else knows about it except me....oh and you now. I will show you how it works.”

            He went to the Mirror and touched all four corners, then pressed his fingers in the centre of the glass.

            “That is why the middle is so dirty,” thought Kayla.

            Prince Farimond turned to her. “Now all I have to do is tell it what I want it to find. “

            “Good, “said Kayla. “Then tell it you want a Fruit shop.”

            Farimond looked puzzled, but did as he was asked.

            The Mirror showed a picture of a shop full of fruit. By moving the mirror slightly they could look along the counter. Kayla pointed to a large green apple. “That is what we want.”

            Farimond reach into the Mirror and took the apple. There was a faint 'crunch' as the fruit came through the glass.

            “Oh, “said Kayla.

            “It always, makes that noise, “said Farimond. “I do not know why.”

            “Now, we need a piece of rope, “said Kayla.

            A piece of rope was soon found.

            “Next we need a garden full of flowers.”

            “I hope you know what you are doing!” Farimond said.

            The Mirror showed a lovely garden full of beautiful flowers. Kayla pointed out the ones she wanted and Farimond reached in and picked them.

            The crunching noise came again.

            “The last thing is a bit more difficult, “said Kayla. “Do you have to have the four things here in the room with you?”

            “I don't know,” answered Farimond slowly, “I think the spell said that all I had to do was to show before I reached twenty one. Why?”

            Kayla did not answer that question.

            “Can you find my Grandmother's apartment in the old Palace?”

            Farimond did as he was asked. The Mirror showed a rather pleasant looking sitting room where an old lady sat, reading.

            “Can she see us?” Kayla whispered.

            Farimond shook his head. “No, and she cannot hear us either so there is no need to whisper.”

            “Now we have everything we need, “said Kayla. Let's see if we can break this spell. Then you can send all those Grannies home again.”

            Farimond blushed. “I had forgotten about them,” he confessed.

            Kayla took the apple and gave it to him. “This is a Granny Smith.” She took the rope and tied a complicated knot in it. “This is a Granny knot.” she took the flowers and said,”These are Grannies Bonnets.” Finally she pointed to the Mirror and her Grandmother's apartment. “And that is a Granny flat.”

            They both held their breath. Prince Farimond's tail came up over his shoulder, touched him gently on the cheek, and then disappeared.

            Well there is little else to tell really. Prince Farimond did as he was ordered and returned the Grannies (with their Bingo prizes) to their rightful places, much to the relief of a large number of granddads. Finally he put Princess Kayla back in the Castle after promising to come and visit her as soon as he could.

            The Mirror was carefully covered up and doorway blocked up, so no-one could ever get in again.

            The grannies went back their ordinary lives, scolding their husbands for not being able to look after themselves and leaving their houses in such an awful mess. The Hat making ladies went back to work and the Hat Festival was a huge success.

            Best of all Princess Kayla was able to go to the Festival without wearing a veil to cover her old face and the Bonnet she had made was declared the finest in the Parade.