Author Topic: Garden funnies (Read 44015 times)

NightHawk · « **Reply #125 on:** November 11, 2008, 05:24:48 PM »

Now you mention squirrels there Toby, I have to tell you about the ones we get in our garden.

We have a few bird feeding stations in our back garden. One of them is a nut-ball hanging on a hook from the top of one of our fence posts. Circular metal cage about 12 inches diameter, with holes for the smallest birds to get through (e.g. Sparrows and Tits), with a wire mesh tube running down the middle which holds the peanuts. The squirrel has a great time trying to get into it, crawling all over the sphere, hanging upside down, but there is just no way it can get in. They're very acrobatic though.

We have another nut feeder in the shape of a lantern. The peanuts are retained by wire mesh, and again the squirrel can't get into it, try as it might.

We have a Niger seed feeder hanging from a hook on a brick wall. The only access to the seed is via very small holes either side of the plastic tube, large enough for only the sharp beaks of Goldfinches and the smaller beaks of BlueTits.

On the lawn itself we have a metal pole about ten feet high with various hooked brackets attached at different heights and angles. On this we have another circular metal cage, about 16 inches diameter, with a central mesh column of nuts, a smaller caged seed feeder and a large tubular seed feeder. The holes on the large cage feeder are larger than the other ball feeder, so the squirrel can get through these. Before we found the ideal position for our feeders, we tried several different positions in the garden for this particular one but the squirrel always managed to get onto it. Either by jumping from the garden shed or fence or by climbing down the house walls. It would also climb up this metal pole to get to the other feeders. The small cage feeder is only large enough for small birds to get through and the large tubular feeder is only big enough for birds' beaks to get into the holes.

Eventually, we moved this pole to the centre of the garden, away from any jumping points, and we bought a squirrel 'baffle.' This is a large plastic dome that attaches to the metal pole about four feet off the ground, with the dome uppermost. The squirrel can then only climb the pole to beneath the baffle but can't get on top of it.

It's great fun watching it try to curcumvent this obstacle. It climbs the pole, and stops to look around to try and see where to go next. The only place is back to the ground. This has been a great success. So, all in all our garden birds can now feed in peace without the squirrel eating all their food.

We used to have a wooden bird table where we placed food for the larger birds we get in our garden - Robins, Blackbirds, Dunnocks, Collared Doves, Starlings, etc., but the squirrel could easily climb up the wooden stand and devour everything before the birds got a look in. So we have stopped using this now.

We have just finished watching the Autumn Watch program on BBC TV, where they built an obstacle course for squirrels, just to prove how doggedly determined they can be to outwit the obstacles to get to the food. Quite amazing.

Anyway, our squirrel visitor/s don't quite seem to gave got the message yet, and still try to get onto our bird feeders. Apart from the amusement they give us, they do not get at any of the bird food.

Laurie.

ideasguy · « **Reply #126 on:** November 11, 2008, 11:04:13 PM »

My sister actually leaves food out for a squirrel in her garden. Before that, she left food out for a fox which came a callin' regularly each evening but then stopped - perhaps he'd met his fate.

We had a mouse who used to amuse us with his antics. We have a dwarf Rhododendron, and he used to run all over the leaves, like lightning.
He climbed the tree, along a branch, down the suspension to reach a wire bird feeder. We watched thios for a few days, then my wife decided enough was enough and demanded its head. When I went out to pass the bad news

thinking it would be unable to get back upthe string quickly, it did a free fall from the bird feeder

and scampered out of sight

He used to climb up a wooden pole to a bird house,which had a flat bottom mounted on the pole. How the mouse managed to negotiate the lower flat portion to reach the upper flat portion amazed me! I finally trapped him in the bird house, got a plastic bag, covered the bird house, caught mouse, put bag into a biscuit tin, put on lid, took him for a drive for one mile, opened box, opened bag - nothing came out!

bossgard · « **Reply #127 on:** November 12, 2008, 05:15:33 PM »

DAFFY DEFINITION #91

MYRRH: Menacing growling sound made by neighbor?s dog just before attaching. ? H.B. & R.McK.

(It?s time for heavy rains and gusty winds for us! There are flood watches posted for the rivers west of mountains (Mt. Rainier) including the Olympic Peninsula (closer to Pacific Ocean). Have one river running through the valley I overlook, but it has flood control. Some of the local creeks and lowlands can give some problems, though. The worst for me is storm water seeping through the fine cracks in my basement floor. But that?s been happening since year one, it?s a natural occurrence. Seattle is noted for houses sliding down its seven hills, they just don?t use common sense where they put them.)

- Toby

bossgard · « **Reply #128 on:** November 13, 2008, 04:50:35 PM »

DAFFY DEFINITION #92

ANNUAL RINGS: The age of a tree can be exactly determined by cutting through the trunk horizontally and counting the concentric rings that mark each separate season?s growth. Unfortunately, this method entails a very severe trade-off between precise knowledge and the continued health of the specimen examined. ? H.B. & R.McK.

(Flooding Update: According to this morning?s newspaper, about 200 residents near the Carbon River area were asked to evacuate their homes. We hiked in that area not too long ago and have photos showing very little water in the river at that time.)

- Toby

bossgard · « **Reply #129 on:** November 14, 2008, 04:54:04 AM »

DAFFY DEFINITION #93

GOURDS: Brightly colored bottle-shaped vegetables that, when dried and polished, provide decorative touches in homes in remote areas where lava lamps, zebra-stripe pillows, velvet paintings, and rotating mirrored balls are often unavailable. ? H.B. & R.McK.

ideasguy · « **Reply #130 on:** November 14, 2008, 11:07:11 AM »

I like Daffy #92 (Annual rings)
Often wondered about that, how they determine the age of a tree without going the precise knowledge option.

Are you safe from the floods?
We had a freak storm on sat 16th August and many parts of the country were flooded.
On the news last night, we heard that some residents in Ballymena Co Antrim still haven't been able to return to their homes, the damage was so severe.
They now have had time to analyse why it was so bad in their region. Turns out a car park was built on the flood control area. Outrageous

Why, and how (nod wink backhander??? ) this can be allowed to happen is beyond me.

bossgard · « **Reply #131 on:** November 18, 2008, 04:20:40 AM »

DAFFY DEFINITIONS #96

HOUSEPLANTS: Quiet, good-natured, and very slow-moving pets, ideal for home or office environments. They are undemanding and good company, but don?t approach them with excessive expectations. They are not likely to master more than the simplest of ?tricks? (?sitting? and ?playing dead? are just about it), and regardless of their size (and some ficuses and dracaenas can be real bruisers), they are not going to deter any but the most fainthearted and pusillanimous intruder, even where a ?Beware of Plants? sign has been clearly posted in a conspicuous place. ? H.B. & R.McK.

bossgard · « **Reply #132 on:** November 19, 2008, 03:39:38 AM »

DAFFY DEFINITIONS #97

WATER: Gardens obtain vital moisture in three ways: from the atmosphere, through precipitation or condensation; from reservoirs, through irrigation; and from gardeners, through perspiration and lacrimation. ? H.B. & R.McK.

(My spell check questioned the spelling of ?lacrimation? ? had to look it up in the dictionary. Yes, I would say by its meaning that its usage and the spelling are correct).

- Toby

ideasguy · « **Reply #133 on:** November 19, 2008, 10:44:14 AM »

Tears of happiness of course, Toby

bossgard · « **Reply #134 on:** November 20, 2008, 04:42:53 AM »

DAFFY DEFINITION #98

PRUNE: 1. (noun) Disagreeable snack produced by placing plums in a lye solution, drying them several weeks, than bathing them in glycerin. 2. (verb) To selectively remove certain branches of a woody plant ? for example, a plum tree ? so that it will grow better and produce more fruit that can be made into an even larger quantity of disagreeable snacks. ? H.B. & R.McK.

bossgard · « **Reply #135 on:** November 21, 2008, 03:53:06 AM »

DAFFY DEFINITION #99

NUTSHELL: Handy container for abbreviated forms of botanical misinformation. ? H.B. & R.Mck.

(That?s it, like in a ?XXXXXXXX?.)

- Toby

bossgard · « **Reply #136 on:** November 24, 2008, 05:56:22 PM »

DAFFY DEFINITION #100

GYPSY MOTH: An extremely damaging insect pest that, in its caterpillar stage, is a voracious consumer of the leaves of a number of trees. All attempts at controlling it have failed. The only really successful method of dealing with a major infestation is to mix 2 ounces of gin or vodka with a dash of vermouth, place in a covered container with ice and shake vigorously. Drink the mixture. Forget the gypsy moths.

GYPSOPHILIA: Unnatural love of gypsy moths. A very serious perversion.

-- H.B. & R.McK.

bossgard · « **Reply #137 on:** November 25, 2008, 05:26:32 PM »

DAFFY DEFINITION #101

PEAT MOSS: Organic substance used to keep soil loose and moist. One of the three things of interest to gardeners that Canada exports. The other two are cold air and black flies. ? H.B. & R.McK.

bossgard · « **Reply #138 on:** November 27, 2008, 03:57:17 AM »

DAFFY DEFINITION #102

INSECTICIDES: A new respect for the environment and stricter regulations have taken most of the effective, but destructive, poisons off the shelf and replaced them with more benign, but less potent, compounds. Typical of the new insecticides are Annoyene, which gives some caterpillars a mild itching sensation; Migrene, which gives slugs a headache; and Dorene, Norene, and Charlene, a family of aromatic hydrocarbons based on inexpensive perfumes that have a vague repelling effect on grubs, chiggers, and mites. ? H.B. & McK.

bossgard · « **Reply #139 on:** December 01, 2008, 04:41:23 PM »

DAFFY DEFINTIONS #103

MUSHROOM: Small room where vegetables are stored until they decompose into a pulpy mass suitable for the compost heap. -- H.B. & R.McK.

bossgard · « **Reply #140 on:** December 02, 2008, 03:35:24 AM »

DAFFY DEFINITION #104

SEED TAPE: Novelty item sold as a practical joke to gullible gardeners who believe that rolls of adhesive tape are the fruit of a truly remarkable hybrid gum tree that can be grown in the garden. ? H.B. & R.McK.

bossgard · « **Reply #141 on:** December 03, 2008, 04:45:46 PM »

DAFFY DEFINITION #105

CACTUS: Millions of years of adaptation to brutal desert conditions have made this family of plants ideal for the lazy gardener, since there is very little for him or her to do between purchasing the plant and discarding it (anywhere from a week to fifty years later), except to knock it over from time to time and break its pot. ? H.B. & R.McK.

bossgard · « **Reply #142 on:** December 05, 2008, 03:40:35 AM »

DAFFY DEFINITION #107

LABRYRINTHS, MAZES AND KNOT GARDENS: Intricate arrangements of shrubs, bushes, and other plants studded with statues and vases were striking highlights in 18-century gardens. Alas, the creation of rigid geometric designs depends on an abundance of low-paid labor, and so in the 20th-century, eye-catching landscape elements simpler to achieve and maintain are preferred, particularly the Tangle, the Brushpile, the Overgrown Tire, and the Lone Cinderblock. ? H.B. & R.McK

bossgard · « **Reply #143 on:** December 08, 2008, 06:21:45 PM »

DAFFY DEFINITION #108

GRAPE: Uninteresting larval stage of wine. ? H.B. & R.McK.

bossgard · « **Reply #144 on:** December 09, 2008, 04:35:22 PM »

DAFFY DEFINTION #109

ARBORETUM: Basically a zoo for plants and trees. Although not as exciting as their counterparts that display members of the animal kingdom, arboretums and botanical gardens are much more easygoing. For example, plant-keepers rarely object if children feed the trees a little potassium, and even the largest and most ill-tempered species can do little more than drop a nut on your head or slough off a dead branch or two into your path. And as for their by-products ? well, no one ever complains about getting oxygen on their shoes. ? H.B. & R.McK.

bossgard · « **Reply #145 on:** December 10, 2008, 04:40:16 PM »

DAFFY DEFINITION #110

ARTICHOKE: The only vegetable as troublesome to eat as it is to grow. ? H.B. & R.McK.

bossgard · « **Reply #146 on:** December 12, 2008, 06:06:44 PM »

(We are expecting VERY COLD weather for this week-end coming south from British Columbia, with a threat of SNOW and temperatures of 20 degrees F. That?s 12 degrees below freezing. Have got to go check my outside faucets, etc. ? Toby)

DAFFY DEFINTION #111

GOLDENROD: Very showy wild flower, but ?GA? - unfortunately it is ?GA?- a major ?GA?- cause of sinus allergy ?GA?- ?GA?- among hay fever ?GA?- sufferers.

GOLDENROD POLLEN: ?ZEBO!?

GAZEBO: Explosive sound produced by hay fever sufferers.

NightHawk · « **Reply #147 on:** December 12, 2008, 06:24:47 PM »

We've had a spate of overnight temperatures down to -6 degrees C the past week, with one day of heavy snowfall. This quickly cleared the same day, but we're still getting freezing temperatures with overnight frosts.

Lagged our outside taps last month, as soon as we started to get frosty weather.

Our water butt is still full to the brim, and is not freezing over, so we've still got sustainable water supplies to water-in our newly planted bulbs. (When the ground isn't frozen that is.)

Look after yourself when the snow comes Toby, and make sure you have all your essential food supplies in the house to wait it out.

Laurie.

ideasguy · « **Reply #148 on:** December 13, 2008, 06:59:12 PM »

Look after your self Toby. Make sure you have food and heat! Hope that cold snap doesnt last too long.

bossgard · « **Reply #149 on:** January 11, 2009, 06:27:24 PM »

DAFFY DEFINITION #112

PATH: In most gardens, the shortest distance between two eyesores. ? H.B. & R.McK.

(My last posting for this topic was around the middle of December, along with a personal note about an approaching storm. Yes, it showed up, and stayed around for quite awhile. Lots of snow for approximately 2 weeks, with drifts in my backyard of 8? to 10?, with a very treacherous under-surface of ice from 2? to 3? thick. It basically crippled all the area?s transportation. Holiday packages did not get delivered on time, holiday flight travels canceled.

After the snow stopped, rain and warming temperatures came into the area. With the surface water caused by the rain and rise in temperature melting the snow a huge amount of run-off water has caused flooding in rivers, streams, creeks, and storm drains, resulting in extreme damage to people?s homes and business. All major traffic routes were closed, either going East/West or North/South in the State. Which meant no freight traffic to bring food items, etc. A large amount of avalanches and slides have been reported in the hiking and mountain areas. .

Thank goodness I had ample food in my home to get me through, and that my home is situated on a hill without any problems of it sliding down! Referring to Daffy Definition #112 above, one good thing about the snow, though, it covered up all the eyesores in my garden for awhile.)

- Toby

Author Topic: Garden funnies (Read 44015 times)

NightHawk

NightHawk