Garden funnies

[bossgard]

Laurie: Yes, I will continue with DAFFY DEFINITIONS. The book you purchased from Amazon.com is indeed the correct book. My copy was given to me by a wonderful lady at my business retirement party that I consider a professional friend, whom I first met when she was Director of our local Chamber of Commerce, later she was a local State Representative for two terms, tried running for a County office but was defeated, and is now the Mayor of the city in which I live. You might notice that I will leave out several definitions from the book. They either have racial overtones that should not be used now or have derogatory remarks that were used during World War II. (That will date me!) Let?s try this one:

DAFFY DEFINITION #49

PHILADELPHUS: Large, somewhat featureless white-flowered plant. It only has blossoms for a week, but for some reason it seems more like a month. ? H.B. & R.McK.   

- Toby

[NightHawk]

........ You might notice that I will leave out several definitions from the book. They either have racial overtones that should not be used now or have derogatory remarks that were used during World War II. (That will date me!)

Toby, on flicking through the book with this in mind, I can see that you are wise not to use some of them.

In our current state of 'Political Correctness' it is so easy to unintentionally offend someone.

Our Government has gone way overboard on some of the things that they state are inappropriate to say.  I won't give any examples here, but I'm sure you'll know the sorts of things I mean. 

Emails and Forums are a prime example of where the written word can be misinterpreted.

In the case of Forums, the use of the little 'yellow faced' emotive icons are great.  They're very useful to qualify your intended use of a word or phrase, especially for those that could be taken either way.  Some of them are just plain fun to use.  You will notice I make regular use of these icons, but trying not to overuse them, for this very reason.

You will notice that George also makes use of the 'emoticons' (as they are sometimes referred to.)

With George as Forum Administrator, and Kathy and I as Forum Moderators (including 'Greefinger'), members look up to us to set an example of good conduct, to make the Forum environment a pleasant place for everyone to visit.

We need to be careful how we word things so as to not upset anyone.  Most of the time it works great, but being human we can all have our 'lapses' of concentration.    We hope we have achieved the former.

Laurie.

[bossgard]

It's odd but I have never used the 'emotions' yet have noticed your use of them, probably because I don't know what each one means, which is more frightening to me, than the use of actual words. For instance, are you smiling at me because you are pleased and agree, or are you really meaning the opposite and think that what I said is actually stupid? I think the best way to handle it is for one to express himself in words, and if someone has difficutly understanding them or is offended with them be honest and express that emotion in words back. I would want to know, I would not want to offend anybody, anyplace, especially on this Forum.  Mankind could correct a lot of its problems through the use of communication. On this Forum we are brought together in the interest of gardening and the use of gardening softtware, and the whole community is outstanding on both subjects. Did I offend anyone? - Toby
P.S. This whole week is supposed to bring good weather, it is sun-shining now. Wish me luck in taking pictures of my Tuberous Begonias, they are in full bloom now, will try to share with you later.

[NightHawk]

Toby, you must really get into the 21st century you know. 

There, I've just used a 'Cheesy' grin icon for you.  It was intended to convey a flimsy, poor quality reamrk, but not intended to offend.

When you are creating a message to post, hover your cursor over the little yellow faces.  A little box will appear stating what that icon represents.  If you want to use a particular icon, make sure your typing cursor is at the point of your message where you want to insert it, then click on the little face.  If you preview your message before posting it you can see the actual icon as it will appear.
(Again, you can hover your cursor over the icons in your message preview to confirm the icon is what you really want to use.)

To avoid confusion, the icons should really be used to express your true feelings at that particular moment in your message.  Otherwise you could convey a wrong meaning to someone and possible offend them.

They're just intended to emphasise the intention of your remark, either directed to a particular person or to a whole group of people generally.

If used sparingly, they are very useful in keeping your messages 'pleasant', and leaving no room for misinterpretation.

When it all comes down to it though, just use them or lose them.  It's your choice Toby.

You've never offended anyone as far as I am aware, so just carry on as you're been doing if that's what you prefer. 

I wish you luck in taking pictures of your Tuberous Begonias.  Look forward to seeing your piccies.

We made the mistake of leaving our gardening until the afternoon.  The morning started off bright and sunny, so we thought we were in for a good day.  Wrong!  After about an hour of gardening this afternoon it started rain.    It seems that you just can't plan from day to day what you're going to get accomplished, because the weather is just so fickle.  We just seem to be dodging rain showers at the moment.  Ho hum. 

Laurie.

[bossgard]

DAFFY DEFINITION #50

AUTUMN:  Delightful season that runs from the disposal of the last zucchini to the arrival of the first catalog. ? H.B. & R. McK.      

How true that is!!

- Toby

P.S. Looks like pictures of Tuberous Begonias turned out all right.

[bossgard]

DAFFY DEFINITION #51

X.: Botanical symbol for a hybrid or cross between two existing varieties. Nurseries often cross plants to produce a new one with desirable characteristics from each of the progenitors. Thus, for example, a small, rare, ugly, slow-selling shrub with a $29.95 price tag might be crossed with a large, showy, common flower with a $4.95 price tag to produce a large, showy, common shrub with a $39.95 price tag. ? H.B. & R. McK.

- Toby

[bossgard]

DAFFY DEFINITION #52

BEECH: Nurseryman?s technical term for either: 1. A very difficult landscaping job or 2., A woman supervising such a job. ? H.B. & R.McK.

- Toby

[bossgard]

DAFFY DEFINITION #53

PHOTOSYNTHESIS: A method of presenting specimens in the color photographs displayed in seed catalogs. The procedure involves the use of midgets and dwarfs to hold melons and stand by trees and the employment of a novel printing technique called Rhodogravure, ? in which the various vividly colored inks are applied directly to the flower or fruit before the actual photograph is taken. ? H.B. & R. McK.

[NightHawk]

Even though I've got the book, and know what's coming, they still give me a smile. 

Keep them coming Toby.

Laurie.

[bossgard]

DAFFY DEFINIITON #53

SEQUOIA: Giant evergreen tree remarkable for its longevity and natural resistance to pests. Unfortunately, the very preservatives within its wood that render it invulnerable to all but one highly destructive pest have made its wood enormously desirable to that one pest for use in the construction of decks, hot tubs, planters, and lawn furniture, and for mulch chips. ? H.B. & R. McK.

[bossgard]

DAFFY DEFINITION #55

DANDELION: The dandelion is often unfairly dismissed as nothing but a pesky weed by those who do not recognize its many uses. The leaves can be boiled to produce a green sludge that my be pureed and used to patch gutters; the flowers can be fermented into a potent, winelike beverage (or, if somewhat less sugar is added, into a homemade paint remover); the roots, cut up and roasted, can be force-fed to poultry and cats; and the fluffy seed hairs of 5,000 or so of the plants will provide a serviceable stuffing for a small toss pillow. ? H.B. & R.Mck.

[bossgard]

DAFFY DEFINITION #56

YARD: 1. (penology) Dusty open area where hard labor is performed. 2. (horticulture) Dusty open area where hard labor is performed. -- H.B. & R. McK.

[bossgard]

DAFFY DEFINITION #57

FRUIT: General term for the seed-bearing part of a plant that turns mushy, is eaten by birds or worms, drops off, rots, gets funny spots and speckles, pockmarks the lawn, isn?t what was pictured in the catalog, tastes like a glove, or doesn?t appear at all. ? H.B. & R.McK.   

[bossgard]

DAFFY DEFINITION #58

CROWS: Canny birds that are rarely frightened either by dummies in the garden or dummies of dummies in the garden. ? H.B. & R.McK.

[bossgard]

DAFFY DEFINITION #59

RAIN: See WEEKEND

WEEKEND: See RAIN

-- H.B. &  R.McK.

[bossgard]

DAFFY DEFINITION #60

HARVEST: For most amateur gardeners, the harvest is conducted with a large, four-wheeled machine called a ?car,? which is driven along country lanes until a promising ?roadside stand? is located. There, the desired fruits and vegetables are ?picked up,? boxed or bagged, and placed inside the vehicle, and a thick layer of ?long green? is distributed by hand to insure a healthy production of crops in the coming year. ? H.B. & R.McK.

[bossgard]

DAFFY DEFINTION #61

EGGPLANT: Purplish, meaty vegetable whose taste when cooked ? which depends considerably on the method of preparation, and there are many ? has been variously compared to burnt liver, fried sandals, scorched clams, a wallet, old magazines, and mud. ? H.B. & R.McK.

[bossgard]

DAFFY DEFINTION #62

CARROT: Crunchy, root vegetable the consumption of which is alleged to improve eyesight. The veracity of this folk belief is challenged to some degree by the large number of rabbit cadavers on streets and highways.  H.B. & R.McK.

[bossgard]

DAFFY DEFINITION #63

JACK-IN-THE-PULPIT:  The state flower of Maryland. Shortly after being named, the designation was challenged by atheist groups who sued to have it removed on the constitutional grounds that its selection promoted religion. In a compromise that appears to have pleased no one, the plant was retained but officially renamed ?FRED-IN-A-PHONE-BOOTH. ? H.B. & R.McK.

[bossgard]

DAFFY DEFINITION #64

DOG: The only garden pest to be successfully domesticated. ? H.B. & R.McK.

[bossgard]

DAFFY DEFINITION #65

LILY of the FIELD: Attractive, unemployed, non-textile-producing flower. ? H.B. & R.McK.

[bossgard]

DAFFY DEFINITION #66 & #67

FURROW: Horizontal line on forehead of gardener. See HARROWING.

HARROWING: Type of gardening experience that produces furrows.

- H.B. & R. McK.

[bossgard]

DAFFY DFIINITION #68

PEST CONTROL: The conventional method of  dealing with pests involves the periodic application of small amounts of lead at very high velocities. It is somewhat effective in improving yields, but it limits the uses of the harvest to cole slaw, ratatouille, fruit cocktails, and dips. ? H.B. & R.McK.

[bossgard]

DAFFY DEFINITION #69

CELERY:  Practically no one grows this plant for his or her own consumption, but gardeners can pick up a few extra dollars raising it and several other kinds of produce for the restaurant industry, which uses millions of tons annually as garni and in salad bars. Best bets are: celery itself, of course, principally the fibrous, hard-stemmed ?Ghastly Snack?; beets, particularly ?Steam Table? and ?Alcatraz?; and any of the new varieties of iceberg lettuce, including ?Lunch Leather? and ?Dish Debris.? ? H.B. & R.McK.

[bossgard]

DAFFY DEFINTION #70

HYDROPONICS: Rock and roll group that enjoyed a brief fad among gardeners in the 1950?s after experiments at Cornell University suggested that popular music improved plant growth. Sales of their records dropped sharply when it was revealed that the growth effect, while valid, was essentially negative: An English ivy plant in the laboratory grew an astonishing 34 inches in 6 days, finally entwining itself around the tone arm of the record player, and a greenhouse orange tree managed to produce a four-pound fruit in one week, which it dropped on the turntable. ? H.B. & R.McK.